I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
