He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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