i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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