I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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