Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
