I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
