toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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