Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
