Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
