I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
