suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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