i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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