just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
