I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
