i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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