I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
