Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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