he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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