Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
