Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I deserve this hangover.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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