You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
