No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
