I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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