How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
