I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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