so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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