Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
