He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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