he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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