I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
