Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
