just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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