The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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