If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
