I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
