From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
