Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
