Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
