And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
