so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
