remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
