I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
