my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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