Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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