My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
