She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
