its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
