roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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