Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
