It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
