moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
